Everything is Wrong

The water in Mornington tastes weird. I noticed this very quickly, after I drank part of a glass of it. It’s not nice, and this is just one more reason we all need to move back to the city as soon as possible. Everything here is so incredibly open, the birds are too loud, and other stuff. Lots of other stuff.

You hardly ever see giant spiders in the city, but I saw two the other day, hanging off the bins. The bins that we have to take down to the bottom of the driveway, which is very long, I will add. Like, the insect killing companies in Mornington, pest control I think it’s called. I’m curious, do they ALL wear body armour, or do they just have cans of bug spray on incredibly long extension sticks so they don’t have to get within being-eaten-by-a-giant-Mornington-cockroach option? I’m thinking it’s a combination of body armour and some sort of armoured vehicle from which they may perform their pest control duties. I’ve seen videos of cockroaches and huge spiders being sprayed with bug spray, and all it does it make them angry, and then they come for you in your sleep. Or worse, they jump on you in the shower! It’s a thing, I’ve seen it.

The country is a deathtrap. We’ll just have to move back before we wake up one morning and there are kangaroos all over our garden. We could make a run for the car, but their bounce speed is far greater than human running, and then we’d be forced in a kangaroo boxing match for our lives. Kangaroo boxing matches are so rare in the city that you pretty much never hear about them. They’re front page news when they happen.

So yeah, that’s my case, and I think it’s a strong one. Even the friendly guys from that place that does pest control near Pakenham are in some degree of danger until they become part of the city and then they don’t need to worry as much. But just to be safe, I’m thinking the family needs to move back to…oh, say, the 16th floor of an apartment building in the CBD?