Not Easy Being Freezy

Look, being a scientist is not as easy as everyone seems to think. I get no respect from my fellow scientists because of my lack of ethics and willingness to use live subjects, even in tests where they aren’t necessary. And then it’s really hard to get a research grant from the universities when, like me, you like to be upfront about things.

Yes, I’d like a few thousand dollars to create a gigantic cannon that can flash-freeze things at a distance exceeding two-thousand feet. No, it’s not for any other reason than I think it’d be fun. But it could have so many practical applications!

I’m having to make ends meet by interviewing people about their air conditioning. Bayside area locals are not exactly on par with my ice cannon in the ‘interesting stuff’ stakes. I want to be in my lab, developing cooling technology the likes of which the world has never seen before, but instead, I’m working for a marketing company and going from door to door and asking people if they’re happy with their air con. Would you change anything about your air conditioning experience? How often do you use your air conditioning, and have you ever had any problems? Thank you for your time, have a lovely day, over and over until I just want to cry. This is not how I imagined my life looking at this point. I thought I’d at least have conquered a small European nation by now, using my scientific advancements. I’ve had my eye on Luxembourg for a while now.

But nope…I’m walking around in the sun, asking people about their preferred Bayside home cooling experience. I want to cool Bayside…in a manner of speaking. I’m the good guy here! They should be asking ME questions.

How do we unfreeze the city? What are your demands, and how can we best fulfil them? Why are you doing this, you madman?

Just joking… honestly, I am.